The Hearing Continues.
“Did you or did you not shoot and Kill Lee Harvey Oswald in the basement of the Dallas Police Department Headquarters on November 24, 1963?”
“Senator, I wasn't born until 1969. I believe you're confusing me with Jack Ruby.”
“Did you, or did you not, try to kill Neo in The Matrix?”
“I think you have me confused with Agent Smith.”
“Sir, did you or did you not perform with your four brothers on The Ed Sullivan Show?”
“Respectfully Senator, that was the Jackson 5.”
“So you're saying under oath you never spoke with an Attorney General nominee? … WELL THEN *unveils poster* please explain this picture of you with Matt Gaetz!”
“That is Media Matters senior fellow Matt Gertz”
“did you in fact prove that Donald Trump instigated the violence that occurred on January 6th, 2021?”
“no that was… oh wait, yeah that was me.”
“You were aided by the 'Knights Templar,' correct? … Let me jog your memory… this familiar, scumbag?”
“That was a movie poster for Nick Cage's 'National Treasure.'”
“Did you or did you not eat no fat, and your wife no lean, so that between you both, you licked the platter clean?”
“That was Jack Sprat.”
“Have you or have you not, since leaving a career in the military police, led the life of a modern-day knight errant, using your imposing size and intellect to fight crime and corruption, no matter where the facts lead you?”
“That was Jack Reacher.”
“Did you or did you not win 18 major golf championships?”
“Sir, that was Jack Nicklaus”
“Did you, or did you not, in fact, accuse a one-armed man of killing your wife?”
“Sir, that was Dr. Jack Kimball...”
“Isn't it true you also worked at Ray's Music Exchange in Calumet City, Illinois, telling people not to come back anymore?”
“Sir, I believe you've confused me with "Hit the Road, Jack."”
“I have it on good authority that you KIDNAPPED SANTA CLAUS!!!”
“Uhh… that was Jack Skellington.”
Real people. Made-up testimony.
Every exchange links back to its source. Some are excerpted for brevity.