ES SEN. SCHMITT
“What would you say if I told you we had reports of you suckin' on chili dogs behind the tastee freeze?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“Um, that's Jack & Diane.”
THE COLLECTION
37 EXHIBITS FILED
All exchanges.
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Did you or did you not slap Chris Rock on stage at the Academy Awards…”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“That was Will Smith.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“What would you say if I told you we have evidence that you pair well with a crisp Sauvignon Blanc?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“Senator, that's Monterey Jack.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Did you or did you not, in fact, jump over a candle stick?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“You're thinking of Jack B. Nimble”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Is it not true that you were witnessed tearing up Washington streets and ripping up our sidewalks?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“You're referring to Jack Hammer”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Did you or did you not secretly enter the Lucha Libre wrestling ring as Nacho?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“Sir, I believe that was Jack Black.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Weren't you in St. Louis, playing shortstop for the Cardinals?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“That was Ozzie Smith.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Is it true you listened in on conversations of members of Congress?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“No. That was Phone Jack.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“What did you do with the money you were supposed to get for selling your mother's cow??”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“That was Jack and the Beanstalk.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“What if I told you I have photos of you as the pirate captain of the Black Pearl?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“Sir I believe that was Jack Sparrow”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Isn't it true that you made millions of dollars by attaching your name to a certain brand of apples?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“Sir, that was Granny Smith.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Did you or did you not become a Charlie's Angel. Don't lie dirtbag. We have proof.”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“That would be Jaclyn Smith.”
✳
Real people. Made-up testimony.
Every exchange links back to its source. Some are excerpted for brevity.