ES SEN. SCHMITT
“What would you say if I told you we have evidence that you pair well with a crisp Sauvignon Blanc?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“Senator, that's Monterey Jack.”
THE COLLECTION
37 EXHIBITS FILED
All exchanges.
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Is it not true that you were witnessed tearing up Washington streets and ripping up our sidewalks?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“You're referring to Jack Hammer”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Is it true you listened in on conversations of members of Congress?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“No. That was Phone Jack.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Isn't it true that you made millions of dollars by attaching your name to a certain brand of apples?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“Sir, that was Granny Smith.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Isn't it a fact that you were sitting on the doorstep of Fani Willis's house on October 31, 2023??”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“That was Jack-O-Lantern.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Isn't it true that you are the sum total of my accomplishments as a US Senator?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“Sir, that is Jack Shit”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Did you or did you not sell hamburgers from a giant smiling head?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“Sir, that was Jack in the Box.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Did you or did you not say that you will make Pete Hegseth throw up, give him a stinking headache and take away his capacity to walk?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“That was Jack Daniels.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“Why are you and your wife harboring Chinese spies?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“We aren't.”
Schmitt: “Let’s jog your memory, scumbag.”
Text message: “Do you mind picking up the chinese on your way home?”
Jack Smith: “That was Chinese food.”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“How much involvement did you have in planning 9-11?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“None.”
Schmitt: “Let’s jog your memory, scumbag.”
Text message: “I can’t wait to see the jets kill the patriots”
Jack Smith: “Yes, that was about a football game the next Sunday…”
ES SEN. SCHMITT
“did you in fact prove that Donald Trump instigated the violence that occurred on January 6th, 2021?”
JS JACK SMITH Read his response +
“no that was… oh wait, yeah that was me.”
✳
Real people. Made-up testimony.
Every exchange links back to its source. Some are excerpted for brevity.